Mr. Laughs Prep 09/12/2025
Mr. Laughs Prep
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 12, 2025
- FEATURED BIT: "A MESSAGE OF UNITY" (Original Bit) (0:49)
As if America is not divided enough, we now have a shocking new development that will further pit Americans against one another. No...we're not talking about that. It’s the rift between Taylor Swift fans and Sydney Sweeney fans in light of Sydney's romance with Taylor’s nemesis…Scooter Braun. Now more than ever, we need this message of unity.
https://tinyurl.com/565zrek4
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DAILY HOLIDAYS
- International Day for South-South Cooperation
- National Chocolate Milkshake Day
- National Day of Encouragement
- National Hug and High Five Day
- National Just One Human Family Day
- National Police Woman Day
- National Report Medicare Fraud Day
- Programmers’ Day
- Video Games Day
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ONE-LINERS
== TOP O THE NEWS ==
#
A pair of students at Cornell University shot a 120 pound black bear before dragging it back to their dorm room and skinning it. I guess the meal plan at Cornell really stinks.
They’re the only dorm room with a bearskin rug.
(https://tinyurl.com/mreyc9wh)
#
A Canadian man was pulled over by police after driving a child sized pink Barbie Jeep along a main road. I wonder what kinda milage he gets with that thing.
Well at least we know he’s not overcompensating for something.
(https://tinyurl.com/bfuvdnm9)
== POLLS, STUDIES, AND SURVEYS ==
#
In a recent study that surveyed over 900 pilots, 93% admitted to napping during flights. So if you’re flying and start to hear someone snoring in the cockpit, just give a knock.
I don’t even want my pilots texting and flying.
(https://tinyurl.com/4vpn42ns)
== AROUND THE NATION ==
#
Federal agents seized over 600,000 illegal vapes across the country this week. That’s fine, but if they start coming for the Zyn nicotine pouches this country is going to lose it’s mind.
They will be put into goody bags and given to illegal immigrants as they’re being deported.
(https://tinyurl.com/258n76n3)
#
A passenger on a cruise ship leapt overboard in Puerto Rico with nearly $15,000 in cash after a reported gambling spree. Puerto Rico translates to “Rich Harbor”. I don’t know if 15K qualifies.
He’s like DB Cooper, but with a lot less money and wet clothes.
(https://tinyurl.com/33d55zsu)
== AROUND THE GLOBE ==
#
South Africa’s top court has ruled that husbands can now take their wife’s family name. Wait…Is South Africa…Woke?
You still have to gift the guy’s family a goat though.
(https://tinyurl.com/5fy98cm3)
#
The Swiss cosmetics company Weleda has been accused of doing business with the Nazi’s back in the 1940’s. This is something you just can’t makeup.
You can’t tell in the black and white photos but Hitler was always rosy-cheeked, and it’s Weleda’s fault.
(https://tinyurl.com/y2n3rrch)
#
Ireland has announced that it will pull out of the 2026 Eurovision song contest if Israel is allowed to compete. That’s weird, usually you don’t announce an Irish exit.
Ireland is tied with having the most Eurovision wins, so in American terms, it would be like Jordan sitting out the All Star game.
(https://tinyurl.com/56e552hm)
== SHOW BIZ BUZZ ==
#
Global superstar Bad Bunny is skipping the US on his upcoming world tour due to fears of immigration raids against his largely Latino audience. That’s no bueno for people who wanted to hear “Titi Mi Pregunto” live.
(https://tinyurl.com/2yyk4xpz)
== CELEBRITY DRIVEL ==
#
When asked recently if she would ever consider doing a sequel for her 2000 teen comedy Bring It On, Kirsten Dunst said no, adding “Let’s leave it as it is”. Why would she Bring It On again? It’s already been “broughten”.
When it comes to Bring It On, she’s more like Kirsten Done….sst.
(https://tinyurl.com/58r7s93f)
== SPORTS SPURTS ==
#
The Pittsburgh Pirates fan who was injured after he fell from the outfield bleachers says he wakes up with “pain every day”. That’s just life as a Pirates fan, I’m afraid.
(https://tinyurl.com/2n9xwwbj)
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GENIUS AWARDS
AND TODAY’S GENIUS AWARD GOES TO……
Jey Gonzalez-Diaz faces federal charges after leaping from Royal Caribbean's Rhapsody of the Seas into San Juan harbor Sunday morning while carrying $14,600 in unreported cash. The passenger had accumulated $16,710.24 in gambling debts aboard the cruise ship.
Jet skiers rescued Gonzalez-Diaz from the water before US Customs and Border Protection agents found him near the Puerto Rico Capitol Building.
Officers discovered he was carrying two phones and five IDs along with the cash. When asked for his full name, Gonzalez-Diaz told investigators, "If you guys were good at your job, you would know that."
He explained he avoided reporting the currency because "he thought he was going to be taxed duties for bringing in the currency."
Gonzalez-Diaz was charged with failing to report monetary instruments exceeding $10,000, which carries a maximum penalty of five years in prison and a $250,000 fine.
This is the only "jumping from the cruise ship" we understand!
The sass mouth couldn't have helped his cause much, but he's not wrong... if they're so smart, what is his name?
https://tinyurl.com/5y8nbuze
AND THEN THERE’S……
SUFFOLK COUNTY, NY - Kathleen Schuman, 76, faces assault charges after firing a flare gun at neighbor Richard Catrone's face during a dispute at Belmont Villas Senior Apartments in Suffolk County.
Doorbell video obtained by NBC New York shows Catrone, 67, walking his dog when Schuman aimed and shot the flare directly at him. Catrone retaliated by knocking Schuman to the ground, saying "You f****** idiot, what is wrong with you?"
Catrone required multiple stitches for facial injuries.
Schuman pleaded not guilty and received $5,000 bail, appearing in court with a bandage over her right eye. A judge ordered her to stay away from Catrone.
Catrone told NBC New York that Schuman called him "the devil" and said "I'm sorry I missed, I'm sorry I missed."
The feud began when Catrone asked Schuman to keep her cat inside because it upset his dog. Catrone said, "I just asked her, can you keep the cat inside and that started the situation."
Is this what the movie The Truth About Cats and Dogs was about?
Honestly, why does the dog have more rights than the cat? There's more to this story!
https://tinyurl.com/u6r6zc7k
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BENCHMARK GAMES
== PORN STAR OR WEATHERMAN ==
I’m going to read you a list of show business personalities and I want you to tell me
if the person works in PORN or WEATHER.
Mike Maze ?.. WEATHERMAN at WRAL in Raleigh, North Carolina
Dave Longley ?.. WEATHERMAN at WSYR in Syracuse, New York
Rob Griggs ?.. WEATHERMAN at KTVQ in Billings, Montana
Tyler Nixon ?.. PORN STAR
Lucas Frost ?.. PORN STAR
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THOUGHT OF THE DAY
It’s September, go ahead and put your Christmas tree up.
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ON THIS DAY
SEPT 12, 1624
The first submarine is publicly tested in London on the Thames for King James I
SEPT 12, 1755
Adventurer, Writer, and Famous Lover Giacomo Casanova is sentenced to five years imprisonment in Venice without trial for affront to religion and common decency
SEPT 12, 1776
U.S. Patriot and Soldier Nathan Hale leaves Harlem Heights Camp (127th St.) for a spy mission
SEPT 12, 1787
American statesman George Mason suggests the addition of a Bill of Rights to the Constitution modeled on previous state declarations, but the motion is defeated
SEPT 12, 1829
The Greek War of Independence ends after eight years and six months
SEPT 12, 1909
The world's first patent for synthetic rubber is granted to German chemist Fritz Hofmann
SEPT 12, 1910
The United States' first known female cop is appointed, Alice Stebbins Wells by the LAPD
SEPT 12, 1919
Adolf Hitler joins the obscure German Worker's Party as its seventh member, agreeing not with worker's rights, but with its German Nationalism and antisemitism
SEPT 12, 1928
Katharine Hepburn's New York City stage debut in “Night Hostess”
SEPT 12, 1935
Millionaire Howard Hughes flies his own designed plane at 352.46 mph
SEPT 12, 1944
The U.S. Army troops entered Germany for the first time
SEPT 12, 1958
U.S. Supreme Court orders the all-white Central High School in Little Rock, Arkansas to integrate
SEPT 12, 1960
John F. Kennedy avers he does not speak for the Roman Catholic Church, and neither does the Church speak for him
SEPT 12, 1966
“Monkees” premieres on NBC-TV
SEPT 12, 1976
The Seattle Seahawks play their first regular-season game (St. Louis 30, Seattle 24)
SEPT 12, 1978
The situation comedy “Taxi” premieres on ABC television
SEPT 12, 1979
MLB Legend Carl Yastrzemski gets his 3,000th hit off of New York Yankee Jim Beattie
SEPT 12, 1981
“The Smurfs,” an animated cartoon series by Hanna-Barbera, first broadcasts in North America
SEPT 12, 1986
“Blue Velvet,” directed by David Lynch, Starring Isabella Rossellini, Kyle MacLachlan, and Dennis Hopper, debuts in Toronto
SEPT 12, 1992
Mae Jemison is the first African American woman to go into space (aboard Endeavour STS-47)
SEPT 12, 1995
INXS' Michael Hutchence pleads guilty to punching a photographer
SEPT 12, 2001
Article V of the NATO agreement is invoked for the first and only time in response to the September 11, 2001 attacks against the United States of America
SEPT 12, 2005
Hockey Legend Mark Messier announces on ESPN radio that he will retire from the NHL
SEPT 12, 2017
Apple unveils premium iPhone X costing $999, along with iPhone 8
SEPT 12, 2020
US Open Women's Tennis: Naomi Osaka of Japan wins her second US title; beats Victoria Azarenka of Belarus 1-6, 6-3, 6-3
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BIRTHDAYS
SEPTEMBER 12
Sydney Sweeney, actress (28)
RM, BTS singer (31)
Kelsea Ballerini, country singer (32)
Emmy Rossum, actress (39)
Alfie Allen, Game of Thrones actor (39)
Kroy Biermann, reality star (40)
Jennifer Hudson, singer/actress (44)
Benjamin McKenzie, actor (47)
2 Chainz, rapper (48)
Jennifer Nettles, country singer/actress (51)
Louis C.K., comedian (58)
Ben Folds, musician (59)
Joe Pantoliano, actor (74)
Linda Grey, Dallas actress (84)
Neil Peart, Rush drummer (1952 - 2020)
SEPTEMBER 15
Heidi Montag, reality star (39)
Prince Harry, royalty (41)
Tom Hardy, actor (48)
Josh Charles, actor (54)
Dan Marino, football player (64)
Lisa Vanderpump, reality star (65)
Tommy Lee Jones, actor (79)
Oliver Stone, director (79)