Mr. Laughs Prep 08/01/2025
Mr. Laughs Prep
THURSDAY, August 1, 2025
- FEATURED BIT: Halloween in August
In the latest example of "holiday creep," Halloween decorations are already popping up in stores. Scary! (Source Link)
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ONE LINERS
TOP O THE NEWS for Friday, August 1, 2025
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A baby in Ohio was born from an embryo frozen in 1994. Now I’ll admit I’ve forgotten things in the back of my freezer before, but that’s a little ridiculous.
That baby’s 31 years old as far as I’m concerned. Get him a beer.
(https://tinyurl.com/yam25wxy)
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ICE is launching a recruiting campaign for new hires, with some positions offering up to a $50,000 signing bonus. ICE is out here offering signing bonuses like they’re the NBA.
Personally, I don’t agree with what ICE is doing. But for $50,000, hide your wife and your kids, because I’ll find ya.
(https://tinyurl.com/3xfy6rzh)
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Kamala Harris is releasing a memoir this September about her brief presidential run titled 107 Days. I’m gonna give this to my conservative uncle for Christmas just to watch his head explode.
Spoiler alert: she loses!
(https://tinyurl.com/yet2s4te)
POLLS, STUDIES, AND SURVEYS for Friday, August 1, 2025
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Americans born in 1990 are four times more likely to develop rectal cancer than those born in 1950. Strange, usually it’s the old folks who act like something crawled up their butt.
(https://tinyurl.com/3yy8m8pu)
AROUND THE NATION for Friday, August 1, 2025
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Twenty five people aboard an American Airlines flight were hospitalized from severe turbulence, resulting in an emergency landing in Minneapolis. Must have looked like a human pinball machine in there!
(https://tinyurl.com/5a5kk2n8)
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The Trump administration is cancelling plans to use large areas of federal waters for new offshore wind developments. Apparently Trump can blow enough hot air, we don’t even need the wind turbines.
According to the President, it would be stupid to put wind turbines out in the ocean. Nobody even lives out there!
(https://tinyurl.com/3a8bu6f4)
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A woman in Florida threw a shoe at an alligator who was approaching her, only to have the gator run away with it. Poor guy’s gonna need three more of those to have any balance on dry land.
Having a shoe thrown at you? That’s called getting George Bush’d.
(https://tinyurl.com/mrxw3d8t)
AROUND THE GLOBE for Friday, August 1, 2025
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An amusement park ride in Saudi Arabia snapped in half during operation leaving over 20 people injured. Carnival rides in America are held together by duct tape and super glue. Maybe they don’t have duct tape in Saudi Arabia.
I bet the operator was like “No, no, this is part of the ride, I swear!”
(https://tinyurl.com/24kman6x)
SHOW BIZ BUZZ for Friday, August 1, 2025
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Nearly six million people tuned in to the season opening of South Park, it’s largest since 1999. The left sure loves these guys – wait til they find out they’re both straight white dudes.
(https://tinyurl.com/58en3sjy)
CELEBRITY DRIVEL for Friday, August 1, 2025
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After catching flak online recently for low energy performances, Justin Timberlake has revealed he’s been diagnosed with Lyme disease. Remember his song Can’t Stop the Feeling? Turns out a tick could.
Remember when it was OK to make fun of Justin for those lame performance videos? Man that was a good two weeks.
(https://tinyurl.com/bdck7d6s)
SPORTS SPURTS for Friday, August 1, 2025
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Former NBA star Gilbert Arenas has been indicted for operating an illegal gambling business out of his mansion in California. Well where’s he supposed to run it, his pool house? It’s way too small!
Usually pro athletes are either very financially responsible, or not at all. And I can’t tell which one this guy is at all.
(https://tinyurl.com/4rbhb6zb)
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DAILY HOLIDAYS
- Braham Pie Day
- Homemade Pie Day
- International Albariño Day
- International Beer Day
- International Childfree Day
- Lammas
- Lughnasadh
- National Girlfriends Day
- National Minority Donor Awareness Day
- National Raspberry Cream Pie Day
- National Spritz Day
- Planner Day
- Play Ball Day
- Respect for Parents Day
- Rounds Resounding Day
- Scout Scarf Day
- Spider-Man Day
- Woman Astronomers Day
- World Wide Web Day
- World Lung Cancer Day
- Yorkshire Day
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GENIUS AWARDS
AND TODAY’S GENIUS AWARD GOES TO……
A man accused of stealing and reselling Smokey Bear signs from state forests was arrested ... with help from the fire safety mascot himself.
Smokey Bear assisted Florida law enforcement detain the alleged criminal, whose identity was not released.
The man is accused of traveling from Pensacola, Florida, to Orlando, Florida, to steal signs -- which he then listed for sale on Facebook Marketplace at $1,900 each.
After being caught, the suspect was transported to jail.
Smokey Bear is the face of wildfire prevention, with signs across the country warning people of the risks each day depending on the weather. Smokey was created in 1944 by the USDA Forest Service and Ad Council.
AND THEN THERE’S……
A Berea man, 33, was arrested July 27 after he challenged three boys to fight in front of the Berea Recreation Center, 451 Front.
Police were called to the rec center at about midnight.
The boys, ages 17, 16 and 15, told police they were riding their bikes south on Front when the man, walking in the same direction, confronted them.
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BENCHMARK GAMES
== PORN STAR OR WEATHERMAN ==
I’m going to read you the name of a showbiz personality and I want you to tell me if the
person is a PORN STAR or a WEATHERMAN
Josh Judge ?.. WEATHERMAN at WMUR in New Hampshire
Dylan Vox ?.. PORN STAR
Clayton Brough ?.. WEATHERMAN at NBC 4 in Salt Lake City
Lee Ringer ?.. WEATHERMAN at Spectrum News in Raleigh, North Carolina
Billy Brandt ?.. PORN STAR
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THOUGHT OF THE DAY
Why don't we trust pasta? Why must we have a window on the box that proves there's pasta inside?
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ON THIS DAY
AUG 1, 1498
Christopher Columbus lands on “Isla Santa” (Venezuela)
AUG 1, 1907
Bank of Italy (later Bank of America) opens its first branch at 3433 Mission Street, San Francisco
AUG 1, 1914
Emperor Wilhelm II of Germany declares war on his nephew Tsar Nicholas II (WWI) of Russia in WWI
AUG 1, 1927
Earliest date for a film to be considered for the Academy Awards
AUG 1, 1928
Babe Ruth hits home run #42 in the Yankees 12-1 win vs. the St. Louis Browns, takes him four weeks ahead of his 1927 pace
AUG 1, 1933
National Recovery Administration (NRA) is founded with Hugh S. Johnson as its first director
AUG 1, 1936
Adolf Hitler opens the 11th Olympic Games in Berlin
AUG 1, 1944
Anne Frank's last diary entry; three days later she is arrested
AUG 1, 1946
U.S. President Harry Truman establishes the Atomic Energy Commission (AEC)
AUG 1, 1951
David Ben-Gurion's Mapai-party wins the Israeli parliamentary election
AUG 1, 1953
Fidel Castro is arrested in Cuba
AUG 1, 1957
Gil Hodges hits his 13th MLB career grand slam, an NL record and the last ever by a Brooklyn Dodgers player
AUG 1, 1960
Aretha Franklin’s first recording session
AUG 1, 1963
Arthur Ashe becomes the first African-American tennis player to be named in the U.S. Davis Cup team
AUG 1, 1971
George Harrison's concert for Bangladesh takes place in NYC
AUG 1, 1978
The Atlanta Braves trounce the Cincinnati Reds 16-4 and halt Pete Rose's NL record hitting streak at 44 games
AUG 1, 1981
“Endless Love” single is released by Diana Ross and Lionel Richie (Billboard Song of the Year 1981, Billboard Greatest Song Duet of All-Time)
AUG 1, 1987
Mike Tyson outpoints Tony Tucker in twelve rounds in a heavyweight boxing unification matchup in Las Vegas, first to own all three major belts WBA, WBC and IBF at the same time
AUG 1, 1988
Rush Limbaugh begins his national radio show
AUG 1, 1993
14-time MLB All Star Reggie Jackson is inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, NY
AUG 1, 1994
Baltimore shortstop Cal Ripken Jr. becomes only the second player after Lou Gehrig to appear in 2,000 consecutive MLB games, in a 1-0 win vs. the Twins
AUG 1, 1996
George R.R. Martin publishes the epic fantasy novel “A Game of Thrones,” the first in his series “A Song of Ice and Fire”
AUG 1, 2002
In signing star linebacker Ray Lewis to a five-year contract extension, the Baltimore Ravens give him a $19 million signing bonus, then the largest in NFL history
AUG 1, 2005
Stieg Larsson's novel "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" (first of the Millennium series) is published posthumously in Sweden
AUG 1, 2020
Egypt tells Elon Musk its pyramids were not built by aliens, after Musk tweets in support of a conspiracy theory that they did
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BIRTHDAYS
AUGUST 1
Tyler Farr, country singer (41)
Jason Momoa, Aquaman actor (46)
Tempestt Bledsoe, Cosby Show's Vanessa (52)
Sam Mendes, director (60)
Adam Duritz, Counting Crows singer (61)
Chuck D, rapper (65)
Joe Elliott, Def Leppard singer (66)
AUGUST 4
Cole and Dylan Sprouse, actors (33)
Greta Gerwig, actor/director (42)
Meghan Markle, duchess (44)
Kym Johnson, DWTS pro (48)
Jeff Gordon, racecar driver (54)
Daniel Dae Kim, actor (57)
Anna Sui, fashion designer (61)
Roger Clemens, baseball player (63)
Barack Obama, former POTUS (64)
Billy Bob Thornton, actor (70)