Mr. Laughs Prep 3/17/2026
Mr. Laughs Prep
TUESDAY, MARCH 17, 2026
- FEATURED BIT: "ST. PATRICK'S BRACKETS" (Original Bit) (0:55)
It's St. Patrick's Day...and it's also the time when Americans fill out their brackets for their March Madness office pool. Combine these two events into one and place basketball tournament-like wagers on how drunk and unruly your friends will get celebrating St. Paddy's Day.
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DAILY HOLIDAYS
- Act Happy Day
- Camp Fire Girls Day
- Corned Beef and Cabbage Day
- Doctor-Patient Trust Day
- Dribble to Work Day
- National Wellderly Day
- St. Patrick's Day
- Submarine Day
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ONE-LINERS
== TOP O THE NEWS ==
#
A new cruise ship has been rocked by a norovirus outbreak affecting more than 150 passengers, just weeks after its maiden voyage and a celebrity christening by Matthew McConaughey. Forget a christening, now the ship needs an exorcism.
At least it wasn’t christened by Timothee Chalamet. I don’t think that kid can take any more bad press.
(https://tinyurl.com/3uxuznyj)
#
President Trump took to social media to urge TSA agents to continue going to work, despite the partial government shutdown that has halted their paychecks. At least now the TSA has a reason to be so grumpy.
I’m not sure what chapter covers working for free in The Art of the Deal, but I’m sure it’s in there somewhere.
(https://tinyurl.com/37w4vean)
== POLLS, STUDIES, AND SURVEYS ==
#
Rent is finally starting to ease in certain parts of the South, with noticeable drops in cities like New Orleans and Tampa. That’s all well and good, but I bet the rent in the South will rise again.
Tourism is way down in these places, so I guess they’re trying to make sure the people who live there don’t leave.
(https://tinyurl.com/mu4sfj59)
#
According to new research, teens who gravitate towards soda and other sugary drinks have heightened risk of experiencing an anxiety disorder. If you think that’s bad, just wait until they start drinking coffee.
But keep in mind, even if you drink sugar free energy drinks, eleven is too many.
(https://tinyurl.com/y3mmze2d)
== AROUND THE NATION ==
#
Federal health officials are saying at least seven people in three states have been sickened by E. coli linked to cheddar cheese, though no recalls have been made yet. Some folks are calling it a natural alternative to Ozempic.
Looks like I’m going to be a swiss man until the cheddar is better.
(https://tinyurl.com/ms6rnzbj)
== AROUND THE GLOBE ==
#
A Virgin Australia flight from Brisbane to Melbourne was met with firefighters after a passenger’s vape began emitting smoke. Say what you want about cigarettes, they never light themselves.
The passenger apologized, but insisted he doesn’t travel anywhere without his emergency support vape.
(https://tinyurl.com/3rzjnf3w)
#
Archaeologists in Poland have uncovered a lost village that has been hidden beneath the Earth for hundreds of years. I feel like scientists are always finding underground villages. I know the oceans are rising, is the dirt, too?
At first they thought they’d found a whole new country. Turns out it was just Germany.
(https://tinyurl.com/2nbzs3ax)
== SHOW BIZ BUZZ ==
#
The 2026 Academy Award for best live action short resulted in a rare tie, with presenter Kumail Nanjiani having to assure the audience it was not a joke. I wonder who gets the top half of the statue and who gets the bottom. Or maybe they split it down the middle?
(https://tinyurl.com/yhcme2t3)
== CELEBRITY DRIVEL ==
#
Paul Thomas Anderson’s One Battle After Another took home six awards at the Oscars, including Best Picture. Between this and Sinners, it was basically One Oscar After Another.
Is PTA still considered a wunderkind now that he’s 55? Anyway, well deserved.
(https://tinyurl.com/dnk2eh6p)
== SPORTS SPURTS ==
#
Tiger Woods’ son, Charlie Woods, placed dead last out of 36 other golfers at the Sage Valley Junior Invitational this past weekend. As punishment, his mom Elin beat him with a five-iron.
Maybe he’s just not a full golfer. Maybe he’s more of a pitch and putt kind of guy.
(https://tinyurl.com/2ckejwm9)
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GENIUS AWARDS
AND TODAY’S GENIUS AWARD GOES TO……
A driver in Texas was arrested on suspicion of DWI after he allegedly clipped a truck carrying a load of bananas, causing the 18-wheeler to overturn.
Iverri Johnson, 37, was arrested on suspicion of a DWI in connection with the early morning crash on Sunday, March 15.
Police officers and firefighters responded to the incident in the northbound lanes of U.S. 75 near the Legacy Drive exit, around 2:50 a.m., per the Plano Police Department.
Investigators suspected Johnson “changed lanes in front of the semi, causing the driver to overcorrect and leave the highway onto the service road, where the truck struck a pole supporting an overhead sign and overturned,” per a Plano Police Department press release.
“It was an Audi vehicle that swerved over to catch the exit, and he cut off the 18-wheeler and collided with the front of the truck,” Plano Police Department officer Jerry Minton tells PEOPLE.
“The truck then turned to the right to try to avoid the collision and when he corrected back to the left, he was already off the highway and dumped over on its side,” he says.
According to police, the northbound U.S. 75 service road from Spring Creek Parkway to Legacy Drive and the Legacy exit ramp remained closed for several hours while crews cleared up the scene.
According to Minton, the semi driver sustained minor injuries.
Johnson was released on bond.
The driver said, "daylight come and me wanna go home."
The cleanup crew slipped repeatedly all over the road.
https://tinyurl.com/2efjcez5
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BENCHMARK GAMES
== FAKE NEWS OR FLORIDA ==
I’m going to read you some headlines and I want you to tell me if the story is FAKE
NEWS or something that really happened in the state of FLORIDA.
An Orlando Woman was arrested after she grabbed her husband’s man parts so
forcefully that he couldn’t walk ….. FLORIDA
A Jacksonville Man was arrested after entering a convenience store with a live
alligator in his arms ….. FLORIDA
A Fort Lauderdale Summer School Teacher was fired and arrested for giving a
spiked fruit punch drink to her students ….. FAKE NEWS
A Fort Walton Beach Dog Breeder was busted for drug possession after a
chihuahua ate his duffel bag and tested positive for MARIJUANA ..... FAKE NEWS
A Dade County Man was late for work so he hitched a ride …. on the back of a
moving bus ….. FLORIDA
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THOUGHT OF THE DAY
Due to time zone differences, some babies are born hours before others but have a later birthdate and are thus considered younger.
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ON THIS DAY
MAR 17, 432
Saint Patrick, aged about 16, is captured by Irish pirates from his home in Great Britain and taken as a slave to Ireland (traditional date)
MAR 17, 1521
Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan reaches the Philippines
MAR 17, 1829
The final performance by famous clown Joseph Grimaldi at a benefit performance at Sadler's Wells, London
MAR 17, 1860
Six years after the forcible ending of Japan's isolationist policy by U.S. Navy Commodore Matthew C. Perry, the Japanese Embassy arrives in San Francisco to sign a Treaty of Friendship
MAR 17, 1861
Italy is unified into a single kingdom under Victor Emmanuel II following the campaigns led by Giuseppe Garibaldi
MAR 17, 1898
Engineer John Philip Holland achieves a successful test run for the first modern submarine off of Staten Island, submerging for one hour and forty minutes
MAR 17, 1901
At a show in Paris, seventy-one Vincent van Gogh paintings cause a sensation (eleven years after his death)
MAR 17, 1905
Albert Einstein finishes his scientific paper detailing his Quantum Theory of Light (one of the foundations of modern physics)
MAR 17, 1917
Gangster Albert Anastasia is convicted of murdering longshoreman George Turino
MAR 17, 1921
Marxist Revolutionary and Soviet Leader Vladimir Lenin proclaims New Economic Politics
MAR 17, 1932
German police raid Adolf Hitler's Nazi headquarters
MAR 17, 1938
The Italian Air Force, in support of Francisco Franco, bombs Barcelona during the Spanish Civil War
MAR 17, 1942
General Douglas MacArthur arrives in Australia to become supreme commander
MAR 17, 1947
Historian Arnold J. Toynbee appears on the front cover of Time magazine
MAR 17, 1955
After Maurice Richard is suspended for the remainder of the season, riots break out in Montreal; thirty-seven people are injured and over one hundred are arrested
MAR 17, 1960
U.S. President Eisenhower forms anti-Castro-exile army under the CIA
MAR 17, 1961
Jaguar head William Lyons debuts the first E-Type model at the Geneva International Motor Show, creating a sensation
MAR 17, 1968
Bee Gees make their U.S. TV debut on “The Ed Sullivan Show” performing “To Love Somebody” and “Words”
MAR 17, 1973
Queen Elizabeth II opens the new London Bridge
MAR 17, 1988
The highest scoring NCAA basketball game (up until this point); Loyola-Marymont 119, Wyoming 115
MAR 17, 1992
South African President F. W. de Klerk wins a white only referendum
MAR 17, 2013
Pope Francis delivers his first Angelus prayer and blessing
MAR 17, 2014
Musician Sia releases her single “Chandelier” with a music video featuring dancer Maddie Ziegler
MAR 17, 2017
Live-action remake “Beauty and the Beast,” directed by Bill Condon and starring Emma Watson, opens
MAR 17, 2019
Brazilian President Jair Bonsonaro arrives in the U.S. for face-to-face meetings with Donald Trump
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BIRTHDAYS
MARCH 17
John Boyega, actor (34)
Hozier, singer (36)
Grimes, musician (38)
Rob Kardashian, reality star (39)
Coco Austin, reality star (47)
Tamar Braxton, reality star (49)
Keifer Thompson, Thompson Square musician (50)
Mia Hamm, soccer player (54)
Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins singer (59)
Rob Lowe, actor (62)
Gary Sinise, actor (71)
Kurt Russell, actor (75)
Patrick Duffy, actor (77)
MARCH 18
Lily Collins, actress (37)
Adam Levine, Maroon 5 singer (47)
Sutton Foster, actress (51)
Philip Sweet, Little Big Town musician (52)
Dane Cook, comedian (54)
Queen Latifah, rapper/actress (56)
Jerry Cantrell, Alice in Chains guitarist (60)
Vanessa Williams, singer/actress (63)