Mr. Laughs Prep 02/21/2025
- FEATURED BIT: “WINTER FREEZE” (Song Parody of Seals & Crofts “Summer Breeze”)
There's just no relief this winter.
(https://tinyurl.com/2spjdb4t)
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DAILY HOLIDAYS
- Card Reading Day
- International Mother Language Day
- National Caregivers Day
- National Grain-Free Day
- National Sticky Bun Day
- National Woman’s Heart Day
- Single Tasking Day
- World Kombucha Day
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ONE-LINERS
== TOP O THE NEWS ==
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President Trump said that he’s “not happy with the fact that it's taking so long” for Boeing to build the next Air Force One jetliner. Meanwhile, the rest of us aren’t happy that Boeing is still building airplanes AT ALL.
If Trump gets any angrier, he might explode. Which will make him just like a Boeing!
(https://tinyurl.com/y2kw5v7d)
#
Senator Mitch McConnell, the longest-serving party leader in the upper chamber’s history, announced yesterday (Thursday) that he will not seek re-election in 2026. He’s going to be too focused on other things – like NOT DYING.
(https://tinyurl.com/5bzh4dzn)
== POLLS, STUDIES, AND SURVEYS ==
#
A new WalletHub study reveals that millions of urban residents are struggling to keep up with their bills. So, to lower the water bill, they’ll continue peeing on city sidewalks.
Some cities are seeing nearly 90% jumps in the number of people seeking payment relief from their creditors. And the other 10% are just never paying anything back!
(https://tinyurl.com/wkc9eee9)
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A new CDC study suggests that people can get bird flu from their cats. Which is further proof that all cats want us DEAD.
(https://tinyurl.com/kk8s6e4j)
== AROUND THE NATION ==
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The Denver Zoo announced the birth of a red-necked wallaby. Which must mean he loves chewing tobacco and NASCAR.
This is the first baby to be born in the facility's new “Down Under” habitat. It’s a cool exhibit, but most Americans still prefer just going to Outback Steakhouse for “down unda” fun.
(https://tinyurl.com/5xjmrw78)
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The arctic outbreak that has enveloped the central U.S. hit its peak yesterday (Thursday), as frigid temperatures continued to spread south and east across the nation. It was so cold that people in major cities had to steal an extra winter coat!
(https://tinyurl.com/bdahmt3v)
- FEATURED BIT: “WINTER FREEZE” (Song Parody of Seals & Crofts “Summer Breeze”)
== AROUND THE GLOBE ==
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An Australian high school teacher has come under fire from concerned parents for allegedly identifying as a cat and acting weird in front of students. After all, it’s all fun and games until she decides to use the litter box…
This teacher keeps on goin’ despite attack after attack. I guess that’s the benefit of having nine lives!
(https://tinyurl.com/bdh9966w)
== SHOW BIZ BUZZ ==
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The new Stephen King horror movie “The Monkey” hits theaters today (Friday). And they landed on this title after bailing on their original choice, “FURIOUS George.”
Here’s the plot: “When twin brothers Bill and Hal find their father's old monkey toy in the attic, a series of gruesome deaths start.” Jeez, this is even worse than finding a “toy” in your mom’s underwear drawer!
(https://tinyurl.com/mry52aar)
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Martin Scorsese will reportedly direct a new film co-starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. This will be new territory for Scorsese because he’s never directed somebody who can’t act.
(https://tinyurl.com/bdhvdnyx)
== CELEBRITY DRIVEL ==
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After Joe Tacopina led A$AP Rocky’s legal team toward triumph, Rihanna & A$AP told him they would be naming their next baby after him. Lawyers aren’t used to this because most people don’t want to name their kid “sleazy conman.”
Joe’s happy he didn’t pull out of the case. And clearly, he isn’t the only one not pulling out! HEY-OOO!
(https://tinyurl.com/4d66c6e8)
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Kim Kardashian bared her sculpted physique in a barely-there swimsuit as she frolicked across the beach for a photo-shoot in the Bahamas. She looked like Barbie out there – mainly because she’s also entirely made of plastic.
(https://tinyurl.com/bdz47dmk)
== SPORTS SPURTS ==
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Detroit Lions star receiver Jameson Williams won’t be facing any league discipline after an October 2024 incident in which he was pulled over with an unlicensed gun. Which makes sense because having an unlicensed gun is a rite of passage in Detroit.
Luckily, gun charges for Williams are like a Super Bowl win for the Lions. Nonexistent!
(https://tinyurl.com/2s3d6m9h)
#
The NBA has suspended Milwaukee Bucks forward Bobby Portis for 25 games for violating the league's anti-drug policy. He took a painkiller, which is the only way to cope with Milwaukee winters…
(https://tinyurl.com/48uv5c7m)
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GENIUS AWARDS
AND TODAY’S GENIUS AWARD GOES TO……
SOUTH CHINA - A student in China has grabbed headlines after he burned an inflatable doll "girlfriend" in panic when his roommate returned early, leading to fire on the university campus. The fire broke out in the Xinxi student dormitory of the Hefei University of Technology in Anhui province, earlier this month on February 10th. The unnamed student was using an inflatable doll in his dormitory when his roommate returned.
Initially, he tried to burn it in the dormitory hallway, but the fire quickly spread, triggering the campus fire alarm. However, owing to the prompt action from university authorities, the fire was quickly culled. "The inflatable doll was burned in the dormitory hallway. The security guard immediately contacted the fire department, and the situation has been handled," a university staffer told the publication.
"There were no property losses or casualties, and we have already communicated with the student involved." In the aftermath, the university dormitory, issued a stern statement, advising students to not use naked flames to deal with silicone items. The incident led to varied reactions from social media users who blamed the students for acting in a negligent manner, despite studying at a “technology” university.
He accidentally started a fire. But luckily, the whole campus didn’t BLOW UP.
He was clearly ashamed about doing the deed with something made of plastic. Which means he should absolutely never date a celebrity.
(https://tinyurl.com/9s3dcx46)
AND THEN THERE’S……
LONGWOOD, THE BRONX - A 15-year-old boy was accused of trying to take a subway train for a joyride in the Bronx early Tuesday morning. It happened near East 160th Street and Prospect Avenue in Longwood around 4:45 a.m. The teenager allegedly tried to operate a No. 2 train at the Prospect Avenue subway station, police said. He was charged with reckless endangerment, criminal impersonation and criminal trespassing.
The teenager was previously arrested in connection with an R train theft in Brooklyn in late January, according to authorities. A group of six suspects were accused of driving the train a short distance and breaking windows, police said. The teenager is facing similar charges in both incidents, according to authorities.
In most places he’d get arrested. But in New York City, he’s being offered a job as a Subway conductor.
This has to be one of the most dangerous things to happen involving a Subway. Other than ordering a footlong chicken teriyaki from the sandwich shop.
(https://shorturl.at/mp8xy)
OR HOW ABOUT……
BREVARD COUNTY, FLORIDA - A Florida man was arrested Monday night after leading deputies on a high-speed chase through Merritt Island and onto Kennedy Space Center property. What we know: The Brevard County Sheriff’s Office said Deputy Eric Williams was conducting traffic enforcement near State Road 528 and State Road 401 when he spotted a vehicle traveling at approximately 100 mph. When Williams attempted to initiate a traffic stop, the driver, later identified as Taparree Shelton, accelerated and began weaving through traffic, deputies said.
The sheriff’s office deployed its helicopter, STAR, to track the vehicle while additional units responded. Shelton continued onto Kennedy Space Center property, where federal officers joined the pursuit. Authorities deployed stop sticks, which disabled the vehicle’s front tires, eventually bringing it to a halt. Shelton surrendered without further incident, deputies said.
A subsequent search of the vehicle led to the discovery of approximately 2 grams of a substance that field-tested positive for cocaine near the driver’s seat. Shelton was charged with two counts of fleeing and eluding, possession of cocaine, and reckless driving. He was booked into the Brevard County Jail on a $13,000 bond. "If you try to run from us in Brevard County, we promise you’ll only go to jail tired," the sheriff’s office said in a statement.
This guy was speeding through the space center. And after going to Florida jail, he’s gonna wish he lived on a different planet.
He’s the most annoying person at the space station since Elon Musk!
(https://tinyurl.com/3862zx8h)
OKAY, ONE MORE……
BROOKSVILLE, FLORIDA - A man faces criminal charges after deputies clocked him driving 132 mph on the Suncoast Parkway, according to the Hernando County Sheriff's Office. The backstory: HCSO said a deputy tried to stop a driver later identified as Brent Syrkin, 30, for driving nearly twice the posted 70 mph speed limit on Wednesday.
Syrkin eventually exited onto Cortez Blvd., according to deputies, then passed multiple other vehicles before pulling into a car dealership. Deputies said Syrkin did not initially listen to their commands but was soon arrested. What's next: Syrkin faces charges of reckless driving, resisting an officer without violence and possession of a prescription in violation of law.
Jeez, 132 miles per hour?! What was he doing, auditioning for NASCAR?!
He might be the most dangerous person on the road in Florida. Which is really saying something because a majority of retirees move there…
(https://tinyurl.com/2rxxeku4)
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BENCHMARK GAMES
== PORN STAR OR WEATHERMAN ==
I’m going to read you a list of show business personalities and I want you to tell me if the person works in PORN or WEATHER.
Cliff Mass ….. WEATHERMAN in Washington
T.G. Shuck ….. WEATHERMAN in Kentucky
Dan Zarrow ….. WEATHERMAN in New Jersey
Rob Piper ….. PORN STAR
Karlo Karrera ….. PORN STAR
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BEST TWEETS
Ghostface Kryllah @kryzazzy…The anxious urge to say “No Worries” while I’m actively riddled with worries.
Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix…The biggest lie the Devil ever told was when he put "Share Size" on this bag of gummy bears.
Hollie Harris @allholls…I hate when people say they won't stand for my nonsense when it's clearly shenanigans.
DaddyJew @DaddyJew…Garbanzo beans sounds like they were named by The Muppets.
Social Outcast @SocialOutcast82…You're not dying, you're just dehydrated.
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THOUGHT OF THE DAY
You know you're an adult when pulling two matching socks out of the dryer feels like a huge victory.
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ON THIS DAY
FEB 21, 1782
U.S. Congress resolves the establishment of a U.S. mint
FEB 21, 1792
U.S. Congress passes the Presidential Succession Act
FEB 21, 1821
Greek War of Independence against the Ottoman Empire begins
FEB 21, 1848
Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels publish “The Communist Manifesto” in London
FEB 21, 1852
George Bancroft becomes the American Geographical Society's first president
FEB 21, 1874
Benjamin Disraeli succeeds William Gladstone as British Prime Minister
FEB 21, 1895
NC Legislature adjourns for a day to mark the death of Frederick Douglass
FEB 21, 1916
World War I: Battle of Verdun begins with a German offensive, leads to an estimated one million casualties and becomes the longest battle of the entire war (nine months)
FEB 21, 1922
Britain declares Egypt a sovereign state
FEB 21, 1947
The first instant developing camera demonstrated by Edwin Land in NYC
FEB 21, 1948
NASCAR is incorporated
FEB 21, 1965
Rights activist Malcolm X is shot dead by Nation of Islam followers at the Audubon Ballroom in New York City
FEB 21, 1968
Baseball announces a minimum annual salary of $10,000
FEB 21, 1969
Ted Williams signs a five-year contract to manage the Washington Senators
FEB 21, 1970
The Jackson 5 make their TV debut on “American Bandstand”
FEB 21, 1972
Richard Nixon becomes the first U.S. President to visit China, normalizing relations between the countries
FEB 21, 1972
U.S. President Richard Nixon meets Chinese leader Mao Zedong in Beijing
FEB 21, 1975
John Lennon releases “Rock 'n' Roll” album
FEB 21, 1975
Watergate figures John Mitchell, H. R. Haldeman, & John D Ehrlichman are sentenced to 2½ to 8 years for conspiracy and obstruction of justice
FEB 21, 1981
“Yorkshire Ripper” Peter Sutcliffe, murderer of thirteen women, is captured
FEB 21, 1981
Charles Rocket clearly says the F word on “Saturday Night Live”
FEB 21, 1985
Tim Raines is awarded a $12 million salary for the 1985 season by an arbitrator
FEB 21, 1989
Pete Rose meets with Commissioner Ueberroth to discuss his gambling
FEB 21, 1990
“The Batman Theme” by Danny Elfman wins Grammy Award for Best Instrumental Composition at the 32nd Annual Grammy Awards
FEB 21, 1991
Neil Simon's “Lost in Yonkers” opens at Richard Rodgers Theater in NYC for 780 performances
FEB 21, 1992
Kristi Yamaguchi of the U.S. wins Olympic gold medal in women's figure skating
FEB 21, 2003
Bill Maher's political talk show “Real Time with Bill Maher” debuts on HBO
FEB 21, 2014
U.S. President Barack Obama meets with the Dalai Lama
FEB 21, 2016
Bombings in the Syrian cities of Homs and Damascus kill 140 people; the Islamic State claims responsibility
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BIRTHDAYS
FEBRUARY 21
Sophie Turner, actress (29)
Joe Alwyn, actor (34)
Elliot Page, actor (38)
Ashley Greene, actress (38)
Jennifer Love Hewitt, actress (46)
Jordan Peele, actor/director (46)
Kumail Nanjiani, actor (47)
Chuck Palahniuk, writer (63)
Christopher Atkins, The Blue Lagoon star (64)
Mary Chapin Carpenter, singer (67)
Kelsey Grammer, actor (70)
Tyne Daly, Cagney and Lacey star (79)
David Geffen, media mogul (82)
FEBRUARY 24
Earl Sweatshirt, rapper (31)
Daniel Kaluuya, actor (36)
Floyd Mayweather, Jr., boxer (48)
Billy Zane, actor (59)
Debra Jo Rupp, That '90s Show star (73)
George Thorogood, singer/guitarist (75)
Edward James Olmos, actor (78)
Barry Bostwick, Rocky Horror Picture Show actor (80)